The joys of Chattenborough #5678:
“Mummy I feel bad”
“Because today I found a slug…”
“…and I caught it and put it in my book bag”
“In your book bag? With your books? The bag I am carrying right now?”
“So there is a live slug inside this book bag?”
“Oh, jolly good.”
“I think I should take it to the park and let it out”
*sigh* “Yes. Let’s do that now.”
In other news, I think I might have eaten a funny mushroom yesterday because I am fairly sure I witnessed the inexplicable sight of one of my children dribbling a football across a park with some degree of skill. I’m sure this was a freak incident and normal service will be resumed immediately.
Suffice to say it was not the boy. His only aspiration towards the world of premiership footballing relates to the milking of minor injuries. E.g. here he is ‘riding his bike’…
Whereas the girl…
Bless her tiny, gung-ho socks. She also has moves…
Hmm. Rather a lot has been going on since my last confession but most of it is lost in a bleary fug that will never be recalled. First of all the manbeast ran away to Hawaii for 2 weeks, which I took as my cue to wander around in a state of bewildered autopilot, bellowing “BE QUIET!” on repeat and eating nothing but easter eggs and cheese toasties.
Miraculously, though, both kids slept like logs while G was away so I had the whole bed to myself, with neither man nor childbeast to disturb my slumber. About halfway through the week I found myself skipping out of bed at 6am, with birds and fawns frolicking around me. Is this what life used to be like, before I encumbered myself? I truly cannot remember.
Once again I was thankful to my lovely boss who was happy for me to do extra-flexible working hours for the duration of G’s trip, so as to fit in all of the school and nursery runs. Yet another reason to sympathise with single parents who must somehow find impossible ways to make this work on a long term basis.
Post-Hawaii there were birthdays. A big, fat 50-shaped birthday… followed by a teeny weeny 2-shaped one. Boy decorated a Minecraft geekcake for geekdad and mummy pretended to decorate a cake for Hubble, by sticking bought decorations all over a bought cake.
For Daddy’s birthday we escaped to a posh restaurant and ate 18 courses of tasting menu, until I had to be rolled back outside to the taxi. While we were out, the boy dressed up as Uncle Andrew in order to trick Auntie Jane into thinking that he had shrunk.
For Hubble’s birthday we had a mini-party at the local toy shop, which has a soft play bit downstairs. There be pics. There were only 6 children but it was still enough to make me want to lie down in a darkened room and say “ommm” for a long time. The following day I gnashed and wailed at the horrifying realisation that I had to take her to another party.
Oh, god – will there ever be a weekend again in which neither child needs to be chaperoned to a party?
Boybot has worked out that the next birthday will be his and has duly started asking on a 4-hourly basis how many days until his birthday. Joy.
In craft news, I managed to spend an unlikely few hours the other weekend with my neglected sewing machine. I am working on a quilt top for Hubble, which is intended as a sort-of-but-not-quite copy of the one that Sophie has in the BFG film. I’m having to make it up as I go along, based on low-resolution screenshots from the film (supplied by ladies on the internet who are even madder and craftier and more obsessed than me).
I was spurred on by the fact that we’re getting a new bed for the boy soon, meaning that Hubbs will move into his bed and will require splendid quilty goodness… assuming I ever finish the damn thing.
Speaking of girlbot, I shall leave with a few of my favourite Hubbleisms du jour.
“Too noi, Mummy! Too noi!!” = “too noisy!”
(uttered whenever I use the hoover or sewing machine)
“Toktik Take” = chocolate cake.
(uttered whenever someone asks Attila the Hungry what she’d like to eat)
“Tortie Mummy! Tortie Jay!” = “Naughty Mummy! Naughty James!”
(uttered at bath time, for some reason)
“Nother chapcha, mummy?” = “another chapter, mummy?”
(uttered whenever I look like I am about to leave the bedroom)
“JJJRRRR!!” = “Grrr!”
(uttered whenever someone mentions bears)
“Jay Chacha-boh” = “James is a chatterbox”
(learned from Peppa Pig. Oh so wise.)