I have come to the conclusion that being 2 is the emotional equivalent of a prologed and severe bout of PMT. How else to explain the near-omnipresent state of angst-ridden WAAAA! just waiting to be released at the slightest of disappointments?
“Come here, I need to change your nappy”
“Look, a big boy milk cup! That’s better than your baby bottle, isn’t it?”
“1, 2, 3, wheee! 1, 2, 3, wheee!”
“Ok, now we’re stopping for an ice cream” [lets go of hands]
“No… I want more 1, 2, 3, wheee!”
“But wouldn’t you like an ice cream?”
“WAAAAAHHHHHH!” [kisses the pavement] “I-wa-wa-wa-1-2-3-Wheeeeeeeeeeeee…”
“Mummy, I want monster pyjamas.”
“But look, these are ROBOT pyjamas!”
“Er… they’re Robot Monster pyjamas!”
“Hooray! Robot monster pyjamas!!”
Suffice to say we have taught him how to say “I am a brat!” and “I am a pestilential microbe!” (Don’t judge us).
I’m begining to think that this pestilential microbe also has a shockingly addictive personality. Addictive and prone to fads. (Nothing like his mother – ahem).
Right now he is completely bonkers over a cartoon monkey called Curious George, who resides on the TV amid a seemingly endless series of monkey escapades and on his iPad in the form of a colouring-in app and a zookeeping game. If the boylet had his way he would eat, sleep and breathe Curious George with no breaks in between. It’s probably for the best that he spends 50 hrs a week at nursery, where he has to interact with other humanoids whether he likes it or not.
His very first ‘enthusiasm’ of this type kicked in when he was about 6 months of age, with a book called Say Goodnight to the Sleepy Animals. Nothing could bring greater joy, until… the next obsessive fad came along. After this we rocketed through book obsessions, from Whybrow to Seuss, little pigs to chicken licken – plus lots of short-lived C-Beebies fads such as Alphablocks, Numtums and Get Squiggling.
Then came toys. Crayons! Jigsaws! Farm animals! iPad! Throughout it all, the common theme holding everything together is animals. Try as we might to turn his head with a toy train or a musical instrument, if there isn’t an animal involved somewhere, it doesn’t get filed under ‘Obsession’.
Perhaps his beastmania goes some way to explain why we’ve now had a total of THREE bitings at nursery. Or perhaps the poor pescatarian boy is simply craving a taste of long pig. On the day of the third biting G brought home a white envelope from nursery and I thought “Agh! We’ve had a NOTE! he is officially a delinquent!” but when I opened the note it turned out to be an invitation to toddler theatre classes (phew).
In the bath that night I had a little talk with him about biting being Very Naughty Behaviour and he began to recite:
“I don’t bite Sam”
“I don’t bite Freya”
“I don’t bite Jack”…
When I spoke to his key carer she told me that biting is fairly common when they reach age 2 and is usually a short-lived phase but, nevertheless, he is being shadowed by her to make sure he doesn’t do it again. *The shame*
In linguistic news, he continues to rabbit on endlessly but still can’t utter any words that start with Sn, Sl, Sp or Sm. Sometimes this makes people look at him in general bafflement when he speaks. (If a smurf happened to slip in the snow, he would report this as “Mummy, a murf lipped in the no!“)
He is also eagle-eared and repeats whatever he hears, even when you think he isn’t listening. Last weekend he spent a couple of sunny hours running around a friend’s garden while G and I sloped off for a birthday lunch. While he was busy spraying the garden with a hosepipe, my friend (who was gardening nearby) uttered under her breath “bloody, buggering slugs!” A moment later she heard a little voice across the garden say “bloody buggering lugs!”
Beyond that, he mainly seems to be working on his continued vocabulary of useless toddler words, with statements like “Mummy, N is for Narwhal!” and “Daddy, I am drawing a gazelle!” Perhaps he really will be a zookeeper when he grows up…