Since we put the microbe’s new bed in, he no longer cries in the night wanting to come into our room… he simply turns up like a silent and deadly ninja. The first night, I turned over in bed in the early hours and there he was, snugly nestled in between G and me. I prodded G and asked “did you bring him in?” and he said “no“. Apparently he just stealthed his way in all by himself.
I suppose he’ll grow out of it eventually. They all do in the end, don’t they? In the microbe’s case I think it’s directly linked to the fact that he barely eats anything and wakes up hungry. But he’s slowly eking closer to what you might call ‘sleeping through the night’. (Occasionally it’s as late as 6am before he turns up). This week we’ve also decided to drop his daytime naps at nursery, which has resulted in him arriving home exhausted and zonking off to bed an hour and half earlier than he used to.
In other cheery news, his progress towards psychopathy is continuing apace. The other day, as I was picking him up from nursery, he beamed with glee and I asked him if he’d had a good time and he said “Yes!” and then followed up with a solemn “I don’t make bad choices!” (Oh dear, oh dear). I collared a nearby nanny and asked what “bad choices” he might be referring to, and she said “Oh… only little things like fighting over toys and snatching toys from other children“.
Hmmm. Luckily he is too much of a weedy little stripling to be a bully, though we did go through bite-gate the other month. When he graduated from the baby room we were given a Now I am Two report, as a sort of parting gift. It’s full of little boxes describing each microbe’s learning and development progress, social development, physical abilities and so on.
The groundbreaking news, according to this report is that James
- “is able to recognise the names of animals and make the sounds”
- “knows most of his colours and can count to ten”
- “loves looking at books”.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? The woman who wrote this spends more time with the microbe than I do – was it folly to hope that she might tell me something I didn’t know? Good grief… a casual acquaintance could have written that unenlightening gumf 12 months ago.
Anyway… back to the point. The remedial box says:
- “James needs help understanding rules for being together with his friends”
(or, in other words, James is a baby psychopath).
Oh well. At least he will look cute while he murders. Because I have bought him some splendid new hats…