You’ve been in the house too long, she said

G spied on the microbe through the window at nursery this morning after dropping him off and was surprised to see that he serves his own cereal from a Tupperware box and drinks from a big boy cup. We might have to have a go at that at home…

Also – doh! THIS report has come out a week after we dropped his daytime nap. I suppose we ought really to return to nappage. According to this, “toddlers need about 11-13 hours of sleep a day”.


Hear my hollow laugh. 

Hear it echo. 

All I can say is that the microbe loves sleep about as much as he loves a good meal (i.e. not very much, thank you Mummy). Before we dropped his daytime nap he was pretty much un-beddable before 9pm. His eye bags on an average day are the prettiest shade of rose madder – and I still have no idea what he actually lives on. 

Anyway who needs sleep when you could be earwigging on adult conversations? He is especially eagle-eared these days (or whatever the ‘ear’ equivalent of ‘eagle-eyed’ is) if his radar detects that it’s about him. Yesterday morning he appeared to be fully engrossed in an iPad app that makes giggling baby noises and I commented to G that he had discovered the folder of ‘baby apps’ that I’d  tidied away, in an effort to keep his gazillion pages of apps under control and shelve the ones he’d outgrown. This morning he opened the same app with a self-conscious air and looked over at me and announced “Mummy, I’m playing baby apps again“.

This is the new language of toddlerhood. To the microbe, apps and iPads are as natural and accepted a part of the world as jigsaws and teddies. I am frequently on the receiving end of statements like “Mummy you’re buying new apps for your iPad” or “Mummy, you’re logging on to your computer“… *boggle*. (I think he learned that one at his previous nursery, which had weekly computer sessions to learn how to use a mouse and keyboard.)

A while back I even caught him trying to unlock the pin-protected restrictions on his iPad. I don’t think he had a real clue what he was doing, but he’d watched me do it many times and must have noticed that each time I did this some new apps would magically appear. (His 2-year report described his learning style as “James learns by copying others“. You can say that again.) With that and the psychopathy, I reckon he has a splendid career ahead of him as an internet criminal.

My sister was over at the weekend and she made a wry comment about wondering where he got it from, as she walked in to find James, mummy and daddy all sitting together enjoying some companionable silence on our respective tablets and kindles. (Does this not count as family bliss? It’s not the sort that you ever see in lifestyle mags, is it? I think maybe we all need to go into the woods holding hands while wearing matching scarves, to compensate.)

But, fear not, dear reader. We do take him outside occasionally… just to keep the rickets at bay. Here are a few weekend pics of us celebrating the autumn equinox* with a conker hunt.  (We did it a bit like an easter egg hunt, where sis and I scoured ahead and scattered our finds in slightly easier-to-spot places for the microbe.)

* hippy sister alert



Found one!

Conker hunt

Found another one!


All strung up…

Strung  up

About Susan Flockhart

Bonsai lady-geek and blogger. I can hardly recall what I used to blog about pre-microbes, but these days I generally ramble about motherhood, nonsense and whatever's going on the world of tiny people
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