The Microbe is going through a phase of uttering endless streams of nonsense words. (I have no idea from whom he might have inherited this trait.)
This involves saying “boing!” at every opportunity and supplying an omnipresent white-noise made up of this sort of thing…
“Mummy you’re a silly pong pong!”
“This Hippo is Binky binks!”
“Tonga wonga ponga bonga…”
“What a cheeky monkaroo!”
“He goes fangle-wangle bumpy-bump”
All very toddlertastic – until the inevitable occurs:
“Elephant goes bugger-bugger-bugger in the jungle” (sung to a jaunty tune)
Or… over dinner with friends:
“You’re all silly c*ntys!” [cue instant, void-like silence] “…and catty-conks!”
All hail the implicit understanding in which NOBODY MUST REACT IN ANY WAY. Minor choking aside, I think we all made a sufficiently speedy recovery for him to continue on in breezy ignorance.
As regards foulness from the other end, I can report mixed successes.
Against all expectations, his first full day of pantitude ended with an overexcited missile hurtling towards me, bellowing “MUMMY I KEPT MY PANTS CLEAN ALL DAY!!!” Bless his pristine cottons. He was duly showered with praise and stickers.
Since then we’ve progressed to several poo poos on the big toilet at home. (Enquiring minds need to know this sort of thing, yes?) and our bathroom now includes a special sticker chart to celebrate every stage of this achievement, from sitting on the throne through to flushing and hand-washing.
The boylet’s excitement over pant-variety has resulted in several spurious “accidents”, in which he lacks the guile to conceal his true intentions.
On the first occasion, I asked him “Why did you do a wee wee in your pants?” and he said “Because now I can have NEW pants!” The second occasion was even more brazen. A wilful #2 within sight of the toilet, during which he waved over his head the pants that he wanted to be changed into.
It doesn’t help that he’s currently hero-worshipping a boy at nursery who (according to anecdotal evidence) has a fair few accidents every day. So – er – lets just call it a work in progress and be done with the topic, eh?
In less revolting news, I shall be sloping off for a birthday dinner with daddy this evening, after which we’re planning to loaf around our living room, drinking wine and watching University Challenge with our uber-tolerant and equally nerdy Microbe-wrangling friends.
(Why, yes, dear reader – I am getting on a bit. However did you guess?)