Children in Greed

Good evening dear blog. I see it has been over a month since my last confession. I’ve been mentally storing up all manner of amusing anecdotes but have lacked the impetus to write any of them down. As a result, most of it has now faded into the ether, which reminds me why I bother to write this blog in the first place.

My photography mojo has been on vacation too, so I’m just going to have to use my motley collection of iPhone pics as memory joggers for what the hell we’ve been up to in the last month.

I shall start with this week, in which the microbe came home from nursery wearing a black eye. We’d been pre-warned by phone, so it wasn’t too much of a shock to see him but it was one hell of a swollen shiner. The official story is that he walked face-first into a tray of water cups that a member of staff was carrying in the opposite direction. (J’s slightly edited version is that

Name redacted hit me with the water tray.” [afterthought] “by accident

Hee! Still, no harm done. But I never imagined that my spindly workhouse oik was capable of looking like such a bruiser.  Here’s how it looked a few days on, after the swelling had gone and I finally got round to snapping it for posterity…

Black eye2

In other nursery news, the microbe brought home a painting the other day of a brown house with a lollipop-stick roof. I gushed duly, as befitting my role:

“Oh, how lovely, You’ve painted a house!”
“It’s not a house mummy, it’s a mud hut!”
“Oh, is it?”
“Yes” [solemn face]. “Not everybody has money like us, mummy”

God bless that nursery, I salute them for teaching him this information. A few days later it was pyjama day “for the children who are in need“, which triggered another little exchange.

“Daddy, am I a child in need?”
[SNORT] “No, you’re a child in pyjamas.”

(L’esprit d’escalier made him wish he’d said “no, you’re a child in greed“.  Being unable to waste such a splendid pun, I have honoured it in this title instead.)

So – what else have we been up to?

I can barely remember. I think I shall just have to run through a load of stuff pictorially…

I’m afraid we’ve been VERY remiss with the allotment lately. I think I need to go along tomorrow and clear the leaves and sort out the plot out with some low maintenance things that can tick along until Spring.  Our last visit was pretty much the end of the summer harvest…


At some point during October we had to send the microbe into nursery dressed as a favourite book or film character. As luck would have it, I managed to convince him with very little effort that being Fox in Socks for the second year running would be splendiferous.  So in he went..



October also had hallowe’en in it, which meant another nursery requirement to dress up. Once again, I failed to buy the boybot a new outfit so he had to go in wearing last year’s get-up – are you spotting a theme here?

It looked fine, really, as long as your eye didn’t drift toward the three inches of jeans that were visible below the bottom of the Dracula trousers… (lets assume nobody noticed).


We also carved a pumpkin. Our neighbourhood has a tame tradition of trick-or-treating, in which small groups of tiny children knock politely and collect sweets from homes with pumpkins outside, while a parent hovers sheepishly at every gate post.  It never occurred to me to send the boybot off on this activity, but I did suspect that he’d love answering the door.

This turned out to be an understatement. The hour between 6 and 7pm passed in a blur of outright glee, pattering feet and shrieks of “TRICK OR TREATERS!!” every time the door went.  Suffice to say Dracklia distributed sweets into the buckets of every little girl in St Margarets.  (And a few into his mouth). Bless.


Around 7pm he opened the door to the last lot. Having expected the usual gaggle of five-year-olds – he was immediately dumb-struck to be confronted by a trio of teenage girls apparently dressed up as witch-prostitutes.  He silently handed out sweets, and the girls grunted back with that special brand of teenage charm.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the microbe so tongue-tied and befuddled.  G told him that he may as well get used to it. (In his experience, there will NEVER come a time when the boy is not awkward and pained in the company of teenage girls.)

In domestic news, G has finally worked out how to captivate the Boybot with construction games. Every now and then the two of them get out the lego or the Marble Run, which has so many pieces that G ends up concocting gigantic, complex runs stretching from the fireplace to halfway across the room, via stairs and spinny things.  These usually make me go “wow!” …and manage to hold the microbe’s interest for approximately 18 seconds.

Not so their latest creation.  Behold the Pooing Alpaca. BEST CONSTRUCTION EVER.


This involves feeding marbles into the alpaca’s head and watching as they travel to the gut and go round and round about 12 times, before dropping into the poo hatch and finally landing in the “toilet”.  I think this is known as jumping the shark.

In more recent news, we visited our friend Sara in Frome last weekend. It’s v. pretty where Sara lives, in a three-story cottage in the conservation area, right next to the crafty, antique-lined Catherine Hill. Suffice to say, we mooched. A major part of the excitement for J was having an excuse to sleepover in Helena’s Disney Princess ready-bed.  He slept like a log… we might get him a ready bed of his own at some point.

On the Sunday we dashed to Sainsburys to see if they had emergency microbe-wellies and discovered that they’ve got a really nice range of Gruffalo-themed stuff in. The boybot now has Gruffalo wellies and pyjamas.  The wellies were for a gloriously pretty and muddy walk in some nearby woodland. While we adults cooed over the autumn hues and dappled light on the water, the boybot was mostly excited by the idea that the wood might be concealing Gruffalos and crocodiles (and stuffing a croissant into his mouth).

As you can see, we’d had him freshly shorn for the weekend…

Sara and James_1

Sara and James_2


Last, but not least, here be a few pics from this afternoon. We visited Granny & Pops in Ruislip, ostensibly for lunch, but followed by a surprise visit to Bekonscot, a gorgeous model village a few miles away.  (I think this is where they filmed the Miss Mouse scenes on C-Beebies).

The microbe LOVED it and I’d recommend it to anyone with a three year old. I think we’ll probably go again on a sunny day – possibly with a bigger child-horde.









I shall depart with the breaking news that the boybot has been cast as Father Christmas in the Xmas play at nursery.  (It seems they’re going with a secular theme this year). I’m surprised they didn’t cast him as a reindeer, given his obsession with non-humanoid life forms, but he seems happy about it. Also his little BFF Sam is playing Rudolph, which is a perfect pairing.

Last year’s nativity play was utterly shambolic and the boybot only appeared on stage 2 mins before the end, wearing a floppy, malfunctioning star costume. (I might have to do better this year if he’s playing Father C.)


About Susan Flockhart

Bonsai lady-geek and blogger. I can hardly recall what I used to blog about pre-microbes, but these days I generally ramble about motherhood, nonsense and whatever's going on the world of tiny people
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